a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
