I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
