Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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