I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
