I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
