Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
