i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
