he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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