And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
