I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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