Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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