please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
