Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
