dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
