My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
