I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
