I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
