my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dignity is for republicans.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
