its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I am morally bankrupt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
