She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
