areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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