Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
