Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
