sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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