i jhust puked up my retainher.
Soap is not a condiment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
