oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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