i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
