Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
