Im at strip club and am horny
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize