I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
