So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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