My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
