everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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