and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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