Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
