Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
