The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
