There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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