I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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