she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize