I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
