It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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