they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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