i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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