eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
