An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
