Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
