The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
