Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
