I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
