I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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