do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
