I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
