we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
