So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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