Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
