Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
