I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
