we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
