And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize