When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
