So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
