between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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