I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
