One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you had me at cake vodka
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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