I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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