My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Watching her eat just hurts me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
