Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
True college students do jello shots in the library
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize