I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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