Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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