she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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