Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
