how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize