its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
