Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
