i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
