he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
