That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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