just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
