I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
