I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
