So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
