No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
